25 June 2020 Cancer2.0 The business of dying Judith Ann Saunders, passed 28 September 2018 at home and in a toasty warm bed in Glen Iris. This is my last blog post about my super spunk, my angel, my princess, my soulmate, who is gone but will never be forgotten.
16 November 2019 Cancer2.0 The triple kiss of life Jude's idiosyncrasies were almost all gorgeous, and needed no defence or deflection whatsoever. I honestly feel like a bit of a dick over some of mine.
3 November 2019 Cancer2.0 Gloves off When you've got loads of angry tumours out of control and nibbling quickly and dangerously at your beautiful bits, chemo is clearly the weapon of choice. Being nasty stuff, it's gloves on all round with some types.
20 October 2019 Cancer2.0 Marrying me off Many years ago, reacting to her initial cancer diagnosis in the first few weeks so long ago now, Judy entered a period of marrying me off again to another. It made my skin crawl.
9 October 2019 Cancer2.0 Eureka! A recipe is supposed to be a plan to follow, but with risotto all rules of engagement get tossed in the bin. A boat load of love is needed, too, and a little help from your friends.
28 September 2019 Cancer2.0 That's art I don't buy art, so this is surprising new behaviour. I bought a Lou-Brice Léonard sculpture, called Doris. The artist, who is a Frenchman, is clearly skilled at celebrating the gorgeous female form.
2 September 2019 Cancer2.0 A writing spirit I dread that more stories will fail to come, one day in the future. I dread a dulling of memory, as seems to happen when time beats forward.
6 August 2019 Cancer2.0 Getting harder There is a big difference between solitude and feeling all alone. Solitude is often good for your head, but feeling all alone implies that you'd rather not be all alone.
28 July 2019 Cancer2.0 What am I doing here? I hated booking a "table for one". Making the telephone call reinforced that my Jude is gone, and that she should be experiencing with me all that these wonderful Greeks have to offer the world.
21 July 2019 Cancer2.0 Venturing out Whatever happens on this largely unplanned big trip away, my princess will be travelling alongside me in my heart.
8 June 2019 Cancer2.0 Emotional treasure So many things around the house evoke so many memories, thoughts and feelings. The memories are cool, the thoughts are special, but it is hard to describe how precious the feelings are.
7 May 2019 Cancer2.0 Happy birthday Happy 55th birthday, my super spunk. There is not a day passing that goes by escaping a moment of combined elation and ache in my heart.
28 March 2019 Cancer2.0 Risotto ... the death dish It has been precisely six months today since Judy left us. I miss her daily pearls of knowledge, and wisdom, and remembering, her laughter, and zest for life, her positivity, and optimism, always looking to the future. And I also miss her risotto.
27 February 2019 Cancer2.0 Freaky pants Shortly after Judy died, one of our first jobs was to pick an outfit for her to wear forever. A tale of matching jackets and freaky pants followed.
14 January 2019 Cancer2.0 Meeting old friends As a bloke in an inseparable couple I always hung out at functions attached to Judy, often literally, entertaining and being entertained as a couple. We were a single loved up unit, but then all that changed.
12 December 2018 Cancer2.0 The incredible shrink I have been feeling the loss of my soul mate as a physical tightness in my chest at times. It is a yearning feeling, I guess, of being on edge, of needing. It's somewhat akin to one who is addicted and being in withdrawal.
30 October 2018 Cancer2.0 Solo man It was a big day today, seemingly filled with one simple act. I changed my Facebook status to 'widowed'. As I did so, there was a flash of vividly clear remembering, and a return of grief.
28 September 2018 Cancer2.0 A new beginning remembering Judy slipped away this morning after a big and peaceful sleep, on her way to an even longer one.
26 September 2018 Cancer2.0 A last dégustation Home visits by Dr Rob are apparently a rarity. Given the long working hours that he keeps at the hospital, it's easy to see why - there is simply no more time in the day to squeeze in any more care. We love it that he cared to visit Judy.
24 September 2018 Cancer2.0 Control turning to custard The Number, called "cancer poo" by me in the past, is the cancer antigen evidence shit out by this type of cancer as it actively grows somewhere in Judy's body. It has been rocketing skywards for weeks.
19 September 2018 Cancer2.0 Poets' corner Writing down a bunch of notes in an admittedly drunken late night moment of despair, I unwittingly released my latent poet within. I'm not really one for any poetry. It's not me. My English teacher definitely said so.
15 September 2018 Cancer2.0 Slipping away As probably the best diagnostic indicators of where Judy is at right now, it's been three consecutive days without red lipstick, plus we weren't able go to our beloved Italian on Friday night.
7 September 2018 Cancer2.0 Swapping wheels for the day Princess ditched her wheelchair today for something with the same number of wheels, but something that made a lot more noise than can come out of me while pushing her chair.
28 August 2018 Cancer2.0 Unwritten tales Life's small stories are as important as the big ones. When those small ones are passing, hold tight to them, and never forget, because they're far more important than you can imagine.
17 August 2018 Cancer2.0 Head in the sand This slow motion cancer business is a drawn out game of second guessing how long to put off so much that is confronting and challenging and heart rending, but necessary.